Today is one of those Mondays that you think you might just go crazy. Nannying all day and reminding myself that 6 o'clock will be here soon enough. Today is one of those days that nobody will take a nap longer than 30 minutes ..my coffee tastes awful.. nobody wants to eat all their lunch or finish their bottles or do anything that follows our routine schedule.
My anxiety has reached a new found high, and I am finding myself taking more than one 20 second break (you know the kind where you close your eyes, breathe deeply and count to 20 hoping you will feel a bit relieved).
I probably am having a cruddy day too, because I literally have a big question mark starring at me in the face. I currently need somewhere to live... a full time career... a lifeplan and (as of right now) need for 2 babies to finally fall asleep for an afternoon nap. I hate uncertainty and having all of these questions and doubts in my head (I mean does anyone enjoy it?). I hate being asked what my dream job is or where I see myself 10 years from now. I have absolutely no clue where I will be in ten years or where I see myself. That question is so absurd to me..I mean I don't think many people are doing what they thought they would be doing 10 years ago. I think we learn and grow from everything we experience in life (which could be a ton in the next 10 years and probably will ..in fact..be a ton).
My goal is to not find a perfect "stereotypical" dream job or determine where I see myself in the future. My goal is to make it through each day (screaming babies and all) with a somewhat positive attitude. My goal is to be content, happy & healthy. My goal is to hopefully find a fitting career and let my creativity flourish no matter what i choose to do. My goal is to not let the desire for money and materialistic items to burden me. My goal is to love and show love above all else.
So today (on this obnoxious..tiring..uncertain day) I will choose joy and choose to remember that life is not a competition or the fulfillment of everyone else's hopes and dreams for my life.
Today I will smile and realize it is all okay.
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